The Sewing Mom

Dear Diary

24th January 2008

Dear Diary

(received in an email)

A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.  Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.  My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.  She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!  Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines.  I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.  Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.  This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.  I feel GREAT!!  It’s a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop.  I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.  Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.  My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster.  Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn’t help being a half a hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.  Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  She sent another skinny witch to find me.  Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.  Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don’t have any triceps!  And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.  The treadmill flung me off, and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.  However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

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posted in a little bit of everything | 19 Comments

24th January 2008

Valentine’s Day Contest

Obviously, from the name of my blog, I am a sewer. I truly enjoy creating things from scratch and watching the project grow until it’s completed. This is probably why I enjoy sewing bags. I can create a bag in less than a day, usually. Each and every one is unique and I can make them in so many different ways. I never get bored with them. What I do tend to get bored with is the way my sewing room is organized.

I am always on the lookout for sewing accessories for my sewing room. Currently, I have a craft cabinet that I use for my sewing machine. It has storage and a fold out table which is very nice, but the table isn’t wide enough for when I’m sewing larger projects. I have to keep a hand under the fabric that’s hanging off the edge so that it doesn’t pull on what’s going under the needle. The cabinet would be better used for scrapbooking. I also have a retired computer cabinet that is currently being used to store my fabric stash and miscellaneous craft items such as embroidery threads and fabric paints. This isn’t a bad use of the cabinet, but I would really like to have some shelving units for my fabric so that I can see it at all times. It’s awkward having to pull it in and out of the cabinet to see what I have. I do this a lot when I’m starting a new project.

I was just doing some online shopping and found a great six shelf bookcase at Overstock.com that would be perfect for storing my fabric. It would even give me enough space to expand my fabric stash! Even better though, while I was at their website, I discovered the Game O Love contest that begins tomorrow and runs until February 11.

To enter the Game O Love contest, pick out any item from their website that you’d like to win for your sweetheart (or in my case, myself!) and submit it, along with your email address. Very simple! So take advantage! Get over to Overstock.com's Valentine's Day Game and enter!

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posted in a little bit of everything | 2 Comments

24th January 2008

Public Service Announcement

In a number of
carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1
liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than
1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we
would be consuming
1 kilo (or 2.2 pounds) of Poop.

However, we do not
run that risk when drinking wine (rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because
alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or
fermenting.

So remember:

Water =
Poop

Wine = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk
stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There’s no need to thank
me for this valuable information; I’m doing it as a public service.

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posted in a little bit of everything | 4 Comments

24th January 2008

Apartment Hunting

I’ve mentioned before that my sisters, mom and I are planning on getting together sometime this year to sell our crafts and some type of craft fair. We’re still making those plans and it’s difficult because we all live so far apart. My mom is currently in Arizona, while my sisters are in Indiana and Kentucky. We really stay in contact, emailing pictures of our projects, via the internet. I don’t know what we’d do without it.

My nieces and nephews seem to be following our lead and moving away. I have a nephew in college in Ohio, a nephew and his family are now in Tennessee, and my niece recently completed her studies and the Coast Guard then reassigned her to a station in Florida. Once again, she was on the move. This is nothing new for anyone who has ever been in any branch of the military, but it doesn’t mean it’s any less stressful. Moving means packing up everything you own, transporting it to your new location, and, most important, finding a new place to live, whether that’s an apartment, condo or house.

I’m not exactly sure what resources she used to find her new apartment in Florida. She may have used those free magazines you see around town advertising apartments for rent or maybe the Coast Guard was able to provide her with available apartment rentals. I do know that she spent a couple of weeks searching for a place while living out of a hotel which can get old in a hurry.

I know that whether you’re hunting for Florida apartments or Nashville Apartments, it can be just as exhausting as house hunting, especially when it’s part of a relocation. She did manage to find a really nice place and I believe that in February, her mom & dad will be driving out to take her some of her “stuff”. I’m not sure how long she will be stationed in Florida, but I’m hoping we get to drive out over the summer to visit. She has sent pictures and the beaches look very inviting!

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posted in a little bit of everything | 0 Comments


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